Please, let me fuck your mom
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
