Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
