I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
