So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
