yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
