the condom got lost in my hair
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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