How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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