It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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