I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
