Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
