I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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