i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
