I just saw a hot homeless man
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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