He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
