Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
