meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
