You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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