people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
