If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
