the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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