my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
