My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
