How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
