just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
