So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
