Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
