What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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