And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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