Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
