so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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