dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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