id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
