i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
