He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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