the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
