why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
