Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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