I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
