Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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