When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Pooping to opera.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
