Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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