Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
