o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
