He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
