Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
