What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
