HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
