He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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