I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
