I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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