So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
