The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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