its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
