i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
