clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
